#But Jean moreau broke me

[tchutomu]

reading a book named "the sunshine court" shouldn't have made me cry so hard and loud and ugly that I couldn't even read the screen of my stupid e-reader anymore yet here we are

[giohorttensya]

Jean

[crazy-fangirl2524]

Neil and Jean wouldn’t work

But Nathaniel and Jean? They would’ve been the Andreil of the ravens

[drewminyart]

okay okay so i was remembering that bit in tsc where Jean goes to sit in the living room because `it was cluttered and chaotic, but it felt lived-in. He could sense the others' presence even if they weren’t around to bother him, and that was enough to take the edge off the loneliness eating at his heart.’ and i thought about the quilts Cat‘s grandma made to go in that room and i thought !!! what if she (or Cat) made one for Jean

making one of those is such a labour of love and such a gesture of devotion— a gesture that Jean has never been offered before (maybe with the exception of Kevin's magnets and postcards). he's never allowed that sense of family and security until he moves in with Cat Laila and Jeremy. it just makes sense that he would covet these tangible reminders of the fact that he is no longer alone and he is loved and valued beyond his performance on the court

[chryseiswriting-blog]

Did yall notice this opening line? Cause I didn’t. Didn’t think twice of it until after. Now I am on my reread and I am screaming, crying, throwing up.

Jean Moreau spends this entire book coming back to himself in pieces, inch by painstaking inch, finding the parts of himself that never had the chance to see the sunlight because they were buried in darkness. He is discovering who he is without the ravens, without Edgar Allen, without the king. He is picking up a thousand shattered pieces and dragging them together to try and make a whole (a little and a LOT like a shattered glass dropped in a sink, which is conveniently made easier when a golden haired twink wielding a paper towel and basic life skills comes to the rescue), desperately trying to make a life worth living when he has every reason to give up, because he has done this before! A thousand mornings before and a thousand mornings more. He will come back to himself, bit by bit, and make something with all those pieces, and to show that by opening with THIS LINE???

Nora, you are killing me man. Have mercy on my heart. It’s broken and bleeding all over my carpet and I can’t afford the dry cleaning :-(

[exy-conspiracies]

Ok. Hear me out. You know when Neil Josten (Foxes no. 10) started the new year with like a totally new look? I think he did it because of a bad break-up. New look, even more hostility towards the Ravens? Not to mention how much he's suddenly improved? Obviously what happened was that he had a short and passionate affair while he was practicing with the Ravens and then broke the other person's heart when he refused to transfer schools for them. And now he's throwing himself into training and being a New Neil Josten. Who hasn't done the exact same thing after a break-up? Anyway, my money's on the mystery affair being Jean Moreau because of the whole matching 3 and 4 tattoo thing.

.

[codename-adler]

[Day 01]

@allforthegamebingo ; Angst Edition

slipping on ice - breaking bones - unable to move || “you should have never come here.”

Jean x Aaron // T

———

“You should have never come here.”

“Then you shouldn’t have let Jeremy call me.”

Aaron knew this one decision would be met with fight after fight from everyone involved, and not. First Andrew, because of course. And Aaron wasn’t even asking for the Maserati, Matt’s truck would be just fine. Matt didn’t need to know the distance he’d make with it, at least not yet. It’s not as if he was driving all the way to California. He would never do that. Of course not. Nobody’s worth that much gas…

Luckily the Trojans were playing their eponymous rivals, USC Columbia, where Aaron and Andrew would probably have gone to were it not for Exy and Coach Wymack. Aaron personally disliked thinking about it. This other version of him wandering around, who was probably free of murder and all the other dogshit that went down in just the one year.

And it looked like this season was about to be eventful as well, to say the least. Though nothing could rival the clearly toxic hatred between the two South Carolina teams, and though the Foxes had had nothing to show for a while before thoroughly humiliating the USC Gamecocks (which, why), Jean Moreau’s transfer seemed to have heightened the hate-stakes for everyone. The face-off had been brutal, and dirty. Not many players would be on Saint Nicholas’s Nice List this holiday season.

Especially not the guy who broke three of Jean’s fingers.

There was no way his move had been anything other than intentional. You don’t move your racquet backwards like that once the ball has left your opponent’s net. Yet that #26, Valdekis, has snapped the end of his stick in a wide arch behind his back, while he’d already shoved Jean against the plexiglass. His larger, heavier stick caught Jean’s fingers against the wall, continuing its arch unbothered while the fingers bent backwards far past what the human body allowed. Pop, they went.

Aaron had watched the slow-motion recap one time too many. Trying to convince the med student part of himself, as well as the backliner part, that the fingers could be fine, surely. He wasn’t even close to being convinced when Jeremy called. That’s when he knew it was no longer a matter of if, but how bad?

“He won’t let any of the nurses approach him,” Jeremy had shakily uttered through the phone instead of his usual cheery greeting.

“Not even Davis?” Aaron had responded immediately, taking it in stride. He mentally pushed away the thought of how incriminating it was that he knew the Trojans’ staff by heart, as well as how Jean felt about them, and they about him. He needed that space to go into panic over the fact that this injury was apparently not like the others Jean had suffered since his transfer.

“No one,” Jeremy repeated. His voice was so much quieter than normal. It deafened Aaron like a drum beat on his very heart nonetheless.

“You want me to come?” Aaron asked, because he would, he was already moving, he needed Jeremy to call him stupid and tell him to sit his ass down.

“Yes please,” Jeremy replied, breath shuttering, delivering Aaron’s fast pass to GO! Collect 200$!

And so Andrew fought him without a word, then Neil because, Neil, then Kevin, and the USC Columbia staff, and the Trojans’ staff, and finally Jeremy took over for him. The captain let him in the locker room, which was empty except for a giant backliner trying to make himself infinitely small. Jeremy nodded at Aaron as Dermott and Alvarez waited for him in the doorway, arms open and ready to catch the shaken striker.

Aaron approached the corner of the room, tightening his grip on the “first aid” duffel he’d put together before he left Fox Tower. His steps echoed and Jean felt them.

“I told everyone, and I’m saying it again: my hand is fine, it’s nothing, I can still play. I don’t need anything. I don’t need anything,” Jean bit out without turning around.

“If your hand’s fine after that foul play then I’m shitting rainbows right now,” Aaron spoke.

Jean whirled around, his face contorted in picture perfect affront.

“How the fuck are you here,” Jean said with venom.

“Drove here,” Aaron answered blandly, taking none of the crap Jean was trying to scare him away with.

“You are not needed here. You are not wanted. Turn back around and go away,” Jean weakly barked.

“If you’ll let Davis do his job, sure.”

Aaron thought Jean’s cold front was thing of the past between them, but apparently he could still bite at him, and it could still hurt. Aaron tried not to let it sting.

Jean remained silent. The impasse was foiled with the hum of the harsh neon lights and the pulsating pain shooting up his fingers. He could hear Aaron’s breaths too, calm but a little shallow. All of this was bad. Very bad. Aaron being here reflected how ill-adjusted Jean really was, and that would not do, not for the Trojans, not for the press, and certainly not for Lord Moriyama.

“You should never have come here,” Jean bit out.

“Then you shouldn’t have let Jeremy call me,” Aaron talked back.

Jean lifted his head at that.

“Yeah, Jean. You’re scaring the crap out of him. It’s bad. I know it’s bad. But you and I both know you’ve been worse when you landed in Palmetto. And you and I both know I’ve seen the worst when I had to take over from Abby during the nights. So why don’t you let me look at your hand, see how ‘fine’ it is, and I can help you fix it and put you back on the track. Then I’ll be on my merry way.”

Jean looked at him for a long time. Aaron stood still, letting him search for what he was looking for, hoping he’d find it. No matter the world outside, Jeremy and the Trojans, the Foxes, the fans, the press, Ichirou… Time felt frozen here. The urgency had passed and gone away. He was with Jean, now. He got to him in time. He was here, now, ready to fix him, and nothing else mattered. Aaron could wait. It was Jean’s call, now.

When Jean’s stormy eyes settled back into Aaron’s ember ones, he nodded. “Okay. You can look.”

Aaron put down his duffel on the bench.

“Can I let your team know that we’re gonna start treatment? I don’t want them busting in thinking we killed each other because it’s taking us some time,” Aaron asked Jean.

Jean nodded again, something strange in his gaze.

Aaron moved quickly to the door and slipped outside. The whole team turned to face him in sync, eyes wide and expectant. Aaron was too impressed to address this nervous crowd, so he turned to Jeremy and spoke to him only. “Jean agreed to let me treat him. It might take a while. Do whatever you have to do to be ready to leave as soon as he’s patched up, and to minimize rumours. Don’t- Don’t come in. He’ll meet you when we’re done. Jeremy? He’ll be okay, alright? I’ll do my best. But he’ll be okay. Don’t worry.”

Aaron saw Jeremy’s shoulders lose some of the enormous stress weighing down on them. That was enough. He didn’t wait for an answer and moved back inside. He was met with Jean’s eyes immediately. He’d been waiting anxiously, but patiently.

He moved swiftly, taking out all the stuff he brought from home and displaying them methodically on the bench beside Jean’s. He then straddled that bench and sat down facing Jean. He extended his own hand, open to the sky. Then he waited.

Jean slowly revealed his left hand, bringing it towards Aaron from where he’d cradled it against his side. His glove had already been removed. Aaron saw all of the damage in an instant.

It was bad. But it was okay.

Before taking Jean’s hand, Aaron spoke. Speaking was the easy part here. “You know what’s what already, this is only for me, so you can tune me out,” Aaron explained quietly. “Alright. It’s a beautiful night to save some bones. Skin’s not broken, that’s good. Members are heavily bruised and swollen, but no blood or loss of circulation. Phalanges of three middle fingers are bent out of shape, but remain connected to the palm. Also good. No need to pop ‘em back in place. A simple three-finger brace should be good to avoid further damage until proper scans in Cali.”

Jean listened. He remembered how it had been in that dark little room in Palmetto. In the beginning. He remembered how Abby trained Aaron, made him say everything he was doing and why, so she could be sure he was doing the right thing. Even when Abby stopped showing up and let Aaron do the night rounds, he would still voice what he was seeing and doing, step by step. It was those whispers that saved Jean. At first they might have been a distraction, something to focus on instead of the pain and the anxiety and the devil voice in his head, but the more he actively listened, the more Jean understood the words. He was never left in the dark about what Aaron was doing to him. Everything was always as he said, nothing more, nothing less. Every shot, pill, liquid, cream, they all came with Aaron’s quiet voice explaining the what and when and how, and why. For the first time in his life, Jean was in full possession of his medical history, minute by minute.

Aaron didn’t have a local anesthetic, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t the pain that scared Jean. When his fingers snapped on the court, the sudden explosion of pain had been terrifying, yes, but it was the few seconds after, when he’d blacked out, that did him in. Because, for a moment, he was back under there, in the Nest. When Grayson broke his fingers. When Riko broke them too. When he was forced to break them himself.

Smalls would set them straight quickly, quietly, exasperatedly, every time, and tape the fingers together, until next time.

Davis was okay. He warned Jean every time something uncomfortable had to be done, apologizing once, then urging Jean to take care. It was unfair of Jean to compare him to either Smalls or Aaron. But he couldn’t help it. Sometimes he wished Aaron had never happened. He set the bar too high.

Often, Jean would message Aaron about one thing or another that he felt was wrong, but loathed going to the Trojans Med Center to ask for help. Aaron always answered. Unless it was something unusually serious, Aaron always placed the solution in Jean’s hands.

Go to the pharmacy and look for Claritin in the flu section, box is blue with clouds on it. Look for the non drowsy one. Take one pill every 24h. Unfortunately Cali is the kingdom of year-round allergies. Don’t worry.

Take a bowl large enough for both your feet and fill it with ice cold water. After 15 minutes of soaking, your blood should have stopped flowing to your head only and travelled back down. If that doesn’t stop the migraine, try caffeine supplements. If that doesn’t work either, you should ask Davis for a prescription. Migraines are no joke, Jean.

No, you won’t die if you accidentally took your antidepressant twice today. Just let someone else know, Davis or Jeremy or Cat, so they can be there if you start feeling unusual, but I doubt it. Just don’t take your dose tomorrow and drink a lot of water, be sure to properly feed yourself. Happens a lot, it’ll be okay.

And here he was, in the flesh. His flowing words like a lullaby for Jean.

“We’re gonna have to put that brace on, now. Do you have anything to hold for your other hand? It’s gonna feel like a bitch,” Aaron finally said to Jean.

Jean looked around, briefly held up his jersey, then shook his head. Aaron took it in stride and searched around in his duffel. He pulled out a small orange thing and placed it in Jean’s right hand. Jean looked down at it and pressed lightly with his fingers. He looked back up at Aaron, unimpressed.

“Fox stress ball,” Aaron winked at him, knowing Jean was hating it.

Then the hard part started. The taping was painful, but Jean handled it, knowing what was coming would be infinitely worse. Aaron’s calloused hands were ever so careful. When Jean focused on them, he could almost forget the ugly one they were treating.

When Aaron started to put the metal bands in place, Jean wished he’d kept his mouth guard. He feared his jaw would shatter, yet he couldn’t stop biting down. It hurt. He didn’t want to close his eyes, scared to wind up back in the past, but he didn’t want the tears to escape either. He started trembling.

“I know, I’m sorry. I know, I know,” Aaron whispered, trying to work faster.

Jean had no strength left. The stress ball was shit, and he wanted to let go, and he wanted to cry, and he wanted comfort, damn it.

All at once Jean’s control snapped. He slumped down and bit his lips. His bowed head landed on Aaron’s shoulder.

“Jean? Jean, talk to me. Jean?” Aaron said, starting to panic.

Jean only burrowed his head deeper into Aaron’s shoulder. He tried to breathe in, but a sob escaped his throat and made him choke on it as it echoed into the empty locker room.

Aaron freed one of his occupied hands to cradle Jean’s head against him. Jean’s hair was still wet from the grueling match and the following hardships. Aaron turned his face so he could talk into Jean’s ear. “I’m sorry. We’re almost done. Stay there, okay? Bite down on my shirt, you’re gonna break your teeth like that. Okay, Jean? Okay?”

Jean barely nodded against Aaron’s neck. He mouthed at Aaron’s sweater until he had enough cloth to bite down on. His nose brushed along the skin under there and suddenly Jean could smell an entire new world. He took a deep breath, filling his throat with it.

Aaron’s sweatshirt was getting wetter and wetter, and his neck felt humid too, and he could also feel Jean’s mouth, but he pushed on, working to get Jean out of this mess as soon as possible. He was sure none of his clinicals would ever be this hard.

And suddenly it was over. The brace was in place.

Aaron released the breath he was holding, his shoulders slumping, Jean’s head going down with them. He carefully held Jean’s injured hand in one of his own, freeing his other to return to Jean’s hair.

“Hey, we’re done. Hard part’s over. You made it. You’re good, Jean,” Aaron whispered into his ear, emotional somehow.

Jean released Aaron’s shirt from his mouth, but didn’t move otherwise. Aaron carded his fingers through the dark curls, letting Jean have his moment, and indulging a bit, too.

When Jean finally lifted his head away from Aaron, his eyes were dark. Aaron tried to remove his hand, but couldn’t quite manage to let go. His finger rested on the side of Jean’s face, rubbing small circles into his skin and scalp. Any minute, now, he would let go. Any minute.

Aaron squeezed one last time, preparing to untangle his hand. But before he could, Jean took a hold of his chin. His fingers, though unharmed, trembled. Jean leaned down. And down, and down, until his lips landed home, right on Aaron’s.

Aaron tightened his hold.

So did Jean.

No balm had ever soothed either of them this good. There was no medicine like this kiss.

They were tired, hungry, scared. Their lips on one another fixed all of that.

Jean sighed into the kiss, and it almost brought Aaron to tears. He couldn’t get enough. There was a hint of blood on his tongue, from Jean’s mouth, and he savoured it like it was the last drop of water on earth. Jean pushed into Aaron, wanting more, wanting it all. They separated for a second, inhaling each other, before Jean dived back in deeper. He no longer felt his broken hand. He only tasted Aaron, felt him, smelled him, consumed him.

Aaron would have let him swallow him whole. When they finally had to stop, lest they passed out, they stayed in orbit of each other, so close another collision was inevitably imminent. Jean’s thumb traced Aaron’s mouth, their foreheads resting against one another. Aaron mouthed at Jean’s finger with butterfly kisses and small flicks of his tongue. Within their bubble, Aaron quietly spoke.

“Should I go tell the good news to your team?”

Jean looked down at his bandaged hand, then up at Aaron’s lips. “Which one?” he replied, eyes glimmering.

Aaron kissed him again, unable to stop himself. He pulled away with a trembling smile.

“Any one. Any one you want.”

[humongousgothskeletonfarm]

TSC CHAPTER ELEVEN SPOILERS AHEAD

STARTING OFF THE CHAPTER STRONG AS FUCK DISASTER BISEXUAL JEAN MOREAU AWARENESS

picturing jean in a pair of raybans is good for my mental health

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“Missed a couple spots. Need a hand?”

jeremy u flirt

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do the trojans ever realise that jean is NOT IN FACT deaf and standing right in front of them when they are talking about him?

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oh ok so chapter 11 is in fact worse than chapter 10

if anyone reading this has ever believed that they deserved the abuse, trauma/suffering they’ve experienced, i’m here to tell u right now that nobody deserves that and it is not ever ur fault, no matter what others might say or try to convince u. whatever happened to u is unequivocally not ok. please seek help from a professional if u are worried about urself or others in ur life.

if u have ever felt uncomfortable or violated in certain situations just know that no matter how ‘big’ or ‘small’ the situation may seem (i use these terms loosely because i do not believing in ranking peoples traumas), ur feelings are 100% valid and u always always deserve to be respected and heard.

i hope u know that u are not alone and never will be.

sending lots of love to all of u

-

wtff jenkins is a girl?? did we all know this or have i just read too many fanfics always thought jenkins was a guy?

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It was sacrilegious even in the privacy of his head, and Jean hunched his shoulders against a blow that never came.

fuck that’s a good line. traumatic as fuck and makes me wanna cry for all these boys have gone through but god as an ex-catholic raised queer person i can tell u this line struck hard even though i cant relate to the specifics of the scene

-

Jean didn’t mind cooking, but he didn’t say that. This was the first time his room truly felt safe and right, and he was content to hold onto it for as long as he could. He closed his eyes again, but now his thoughts were snagged on Jeremy. At length he broke the silence to say, “Two beds would fit in here.”

jean moreau u are so loved

-

“You are not them,” Jean said. “Kevin would not have sent me here if you were.”

THE PARALLELS IN THIS BOOK ARE FUCKING KILLING ME PLS NORA LET ME LIVE IN PEACE THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE

ANDREIL EXISTS IN EVERYTHING

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Just because he had to meet with this man didn’t mean he had to speak to him.

jean, u diss aaron earlier in the books but really ur just the same as him

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betsy dobson to the mother fuckibg rescue someone get this bitch a ‘worlds best therapist’ mug

and jean, dude do u know how fucking similar u and neil are, seriously like u guys should be besties like-

“It was not my choice,” he sent back in warning. “I do not need counseling.” He didn’t trust her at all, but there was no point spelling it out.

CHAPTER TWELVEE

dude wtf is it with me and napping while tryna finish this book, literally just accidentally fell asleep for 2.5 hrs when i could’ve been reading

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“Imagine getting changed so we can practice,” Jean said.

king is fed uppp

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“It’s not about size, anyway.” ​“Defensive,” Jean said, tugging his glove straps with his teeth. ​Jeremy straightened in indignation. “I don’t have anything to be defensive about.” Jean lost his grip and bit his lip, and Jeremy hurried on before either of them could think too much about that double entendre.

OKKKK JEREMY I SEE U

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“That’s not—I do care. I want you to play with us, and I want you to have fun again. I want to see what you can do on the court and what you bring to our defense line. I want us to finally win this year after coming so close and failing too many times. But it’s just a game, Jean. Your safety and happiness will always be more important than our season.”

GOOD GOD ITS WHAT U DESERVE JEAN

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“Every time you say that you take a year off my life. I’d really like to live to ninety, so please knock it off.”

now the trojans understand how the foxes feel when neil whips out his ‘im fine’ line,, also i’m never gonna stop saying that neil and jean should be besties it’s literally just a fact

“I do not believe you when you are drinking such filth,” Jean said, with a disapproving look toward her drink. Laila stared him down as she sucked a long gulp through the straw,

this book is so devastatingly depressing and explores some of the most horrible traumatic things that could happen to a person but it’s interspersed with some of the funniest scenes that it gives me whiplash

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“Pat and Ananya have wanted to fuck Cody’s brains out for almost a year now. I really thought Cody moving in with them this summer was going to finally get that ball moving, but apparently not. It’s getting kind of pitiful.” ​“Pat and Ananya have been engaged almost as long as Cody has known them,” Laila pointed out as she fit herself against Cat’s side. “You can’t blame Cody for being scared of where they might belong in something like that.”

NORA GIVING US THE POLYAMORY WE DESERVE AFTER CUTTING KANDREIL FROM THE OG BOOKS LETS GO QUEER REP

YK THAT RUNNING JOKE THAT USC IS THE QUEEREST TEAM AND NOBODY HAS AS MANY GAYS AS THEY DO??? IM SO FUCKIBG HAPPY NORA HAS BASICALLY MADE THAT CANNON

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CHAPTER 13333

jeremy is so hopelessly crushing on jean and that’s real of him

meanwhile jean:

Threat assessment, he told himself, and it was almost the truth.

sureee buddy

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They’d arrived holding hands and dressed in matching cream-and-teal outfits. Even their gold-rimmed sunglasses and teal sneakers were identical.

well that is definitely an outfit!

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“Speaking of happy endings, has Laila bought you a sex toy yet?”

EXCUSE ME

this whole scene was so fucking random but jean deserves great friendships

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ANOTHER TRANS TROJAN LETS FYCKING GOOOOOO CONGRATS ON UR TOP SURGERY XAVIER

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‘i’m sure the ravens wouldn’t have taken neil in if they’d known he was the son of a mob boss!!’

uhhhhh…

i don’t know how to tell u this buddy

-

dude i just cannot stop think about the whole new world of fanfics we’re gonna get now that tsc has come out like the aftg universe is expanding and becoming more detailed it’s gonna be crazy

chapter 14!!!

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Jean eyed him. “For what purpose?” ​Jeremy looked to the ceiling for patience. “For fun.” ​Jean sighed as if Jeremy was the one being unreasonable.

oh jean we’ll get there eventually

-

Jean was a starving dog on a short chain who’d learned years ago not to bite back.

OH MY FUCKING GOD GIVE ME PEACE

MY CHEST IS ACHING AT THIS METAPHOR

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SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP THE PARALLELS ARE DESTROYING ME I CANT FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE

“You are Jean Moreau. Your place is here with me, with us. I’m your captain. You’re my partner. We’re supposed to be doing this together, aren’t we? Stop leaving me behind. Look at me.”

-

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that he hurt you, I’m sorry that you’re still afraid to talk about it, and I’m sorry that you think I’ll never understand. I’m sorry that he tricked you into thinking you deserved it. But I’m not sorry he’s gone. I can’t be.”

“Neither am I.”

TEAR MY HEART OUT AND STOMP ON IT NORA JESUS CHRIST

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everytime one of the trojans says ‘we’re here to listen whenever your ready to talk and open up to us’ and then they go and demand he tell them every secret he’s ever kept

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kevin and jeans relationship in this book is so fucking well written, it’s tearing me apart and giving me so much life

they have so much shared trauma and the relationship is so complex but they understand eachother so deeply

He is not used to having a voice, and he has never had power. I cannot promise he will ever talk to you.” ​“I will wait as long as it takes,”

“Be careful with it,” Kevin said. “Be careful with him.”

-

“Night practices with Andrew and Neil,” Kevin said. ​“Obsessed,” Jeremy

exy fiend kevin day representation

also

“No, Jean is fine. As fine as he can be, anyway. Yes, I know.” (kevin when talking to someone ‘offscreen’) i just know he was talking to neil

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She crossed the room and leaned over, catching Jean’s head in her hands so she could plant a kiss to the top of his head.

this is the love jean deserves

chapter 15:

“Your fourth line has a smart mouth, Coach,” Jean said. “I was hoping he would bite his tongue off in the fall and save us both some grief in the long run.”

jean i love u

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Jean wished he had the common sense to shut up,

he’s so me

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“And keep Kevin’s name out of your ignorant mouth,”

THEYRE SO IMPORTANT TO ME UR HONOUR

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i keep forgetting that jean only learnt english after he moved into evermore and that kevin probably taught him but i love the subtle little reminders every now and then when he has to clarify a word, like when he has to ask what a ‘floozy’ is and:

due to egregious injuries.” ​Jean didn’t recognize that word, but since Lucas was already running his mouth, he didn’t get a chance to ask.

it’s such a good detail that just adds so much more depth to his character

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“Permission to break his face, Coach?” Jean asked. ​“Denied,” White said.

SCREAMING

THIS IS SO NEIL AND WYMACK CODED I LOVE IT

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JEAN MOREAU ON A MOTHERFUCKING MOTORCYCLE HOLY SHIT

catalina alvarez u wonderful human i love u

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jean realising how big the world is and the fact that he’s explored more of california than any other place he’s been before is making me tear up he never should’ve been kept trapped inside he deserves to see the world

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So long as she existed as fractured memories, she was safe and small and sheltered.

oh god don’t do this to me

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Jean gazed out at the endless horizon, feeling small and infinite from one moment to the next.

beautiful, just beautiful, absolutely immaculate

A cool evening breeze. Rainbows. Open roads.

A COOL EVENING BREEZE. RAINBOWS. OPEN ROADS

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SECOND LAST CHAPTER!!! LETS GOOO

“He is not going to hit you. Okay? We don’t do that here. You said you’d try to do better and that’s enough for us.”

starting off strong

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You’re one of my kids now.

don’t mind me i’m just sobbing

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no no no no no no no no no

holy shit no what the fucking fuck

don’t do this to jean rn oh my fucking god i’m sick to my stomach on the verge of fully crying right now

actually dreading reading on right now

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um ok yeah so i read it and to anyone who hasn’t finished the book yet beware there is a graphic violent scene followed by an intense panic attack in chapter 16 that’s is very difficult to read

i did cry and all i can say is thank fuck for lisinski’s timing

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Jeremy’s response was low but unhesitating: “I will not look away.” ​“I do not want you to look.” ​It frightened him how much it sounded like a lie,

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only redeeming part of this chapter is that neil’s back but i’m still in so much shock over what’s just happened that i cant properly appreciate him

chapter 17 the finale:

feeling incredibly somber as i reach the end of the book

please god destroy anyone who has ever hurt jean moreau

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nora’s really filling in all the plot holes left from aftg - why did nobody question why neil’s hair was dyed after evermore ????? why did nobody question neil being at evernote in the first place???

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i’m laughing at neil’s map print-outs he’s so uncool, also i keep forgetting this is still meant to be 2007

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jean-yves moreau oh my fucking god

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“says who?” Stuart asked. “The dead kid?

stuart hatford u are so funny, is this where neil inherited is sarcasm from?

stuart hatford says fuck riko and so do i

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Neil shrugged. “Do you have anyone who can take on local work?”

NEIL JOSTEN U ARE MY HERO I LOVE U U BADASS MOTHER FUCKER

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Neil offered her a disarming smile that would never sit quite right on his face.

devouring these scraps about my boy

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YOOOO WTF NORA RLLY JUST WANTED TO GIVE JEAN THE WORST FUCKING DAY HE COULD POSSIBLY HAVE HUH?? JUST DROPPED THE FACT THAT HIS SISTER IS DEAD MY POOR BOY

-

Neil filled in the finer details with an ease that would have been impressive to listen to any other day

- yes neil is incredibly smart, thank u jean for confirming to us

-

The only thing left to ask for was something he barely understood: “I want to go home.”

oh the complicated nature of home and one’s sense of belonging that persists throughout these books will never fail to make me feel absolutely everything. nora knows exactly what i want in a book

-

“I can see the kitchen. There should be a door out to where the dumpsters are. We can make it back to the garage from there.”

to be loved by neil josten is to be offered a way to evade the fbi together

-

“Tedious,” Neil said. “I’m trying to eat.”

my hero

Neil waited until he was done before deciding he wanted to finish his drink. Neither agent was impressed with their absolute lack of urgency,

i love u neil josten pls give me ur autograph

Neil, being the person he was, pointed at the fire hydrant adjacent to its front bumper and said, “That’s illegal, just so you know.” ​“Shut up and get in the car.”

i wish neil josten was real

-

He couldn’t fear a government who was so easily infiltrated and manipulated

FUCK THE GOVERNMENT

-

Neil flipped his takeout box open and started eating. “I’m allowed to visit people.”

he’s everything to me 🥰

-

“You’re one to accuse others of intolerable attitudes,” Browning said, and Neil only shrugged indifference.

and—for once—without any of your usual bullshit.”

- browning u love him just like the rest of us don’t lie rn

-

ngl i’m never getting over the fact that jean and neil are the same age like this is crazy to me nora whyd u have to do this i cant cope

-

“The more people I hold onto, the less of a threat I am, because I won’t want to endanger them by acting out.”

oh neil look how far uve come, i’m so proud

-

“Lock your door tonight if it will help, but Grayson will never bother you again.”

THANK U LORD FOR THE BRILLIANT NEIL JOSTEN HES ANSWERED MY PRAYERS U BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL HUMAN IM SO THANKFUL FOR UR PRESENCE

all my favourite bamf! neil fics have him taking out a hit on someone for the benefit of the people he loves and i’m so glad that’s canon

-

i’m going fucjing crazy i didnt think it was possible to love neil anymore than i already do

best friends ❤️

-

jean tearing up and throwing away the notebooks and realising he trusts the trojans and the four of them going to eat one of cats new recipes after they waited up last midnight for him

A COOL EVENING BREEZE RAINBOWS OPEN ROADS AND FRIENDS

!!!!!

I CSNT BELIEVE ITS OVERRRRR I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS HOLY FUCK

[swampthingking]

do you know how beautiful it is to see that jeremy knox is, in fact, the same person off the court as he is on it. it is not an act.

the same jeremy knox that we knew on the court is the same jeremy knox that bought a stranger a gift card and said “i think you dropped this” and wasn’t any type of annoyed when the man just said “oh yeah, i didn’t notice.”

the same jeremy knox that we knew on the court is the same jeremy knox that has a fucking cardboard cut out of a golden retriever that he moves around the house to hang out with

but the thing is. the thing. is. jeremy does not shy away from jean’s sharpness. he accepts it, he challenges it. he shows jean that, no, not all people have public and private personas. no, there are good people. and just because there are good people doesn’t mean they are pushovers because of that. you do not have to be hateful and abusive to be respected.

HERE ARE SOME FUCKING EXAMPLES BECAUSE NOW IM. IM. IM

“I’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t call me by my last name, just so it’s said.”

and

“When I’m what? I asked you a question.”

and

“You are not a Raven.”

and

“Say ‘yes, Jeremy’.” ​ (this had me…..feeling. things.)

and

[“You like men.”] “More exclusively than you do, I think. Does that bother you?”

and

“Away. You have to hook away from me, not toward.” “Away.” “Away, Jean. You’re hurting me.”

and

“I’ll call Kevin. I’ll ask him how he broke his hand. I’ll ask him who did it. What will he say to me?”

and

“You are Jean Moreau. Your place is here with me, with us. I’m your captain. You’re my partner. We’re supposed to be doing this together, aren’t we? Stop leaving me behind. Look at me.”

and

[“Stop looking if it is going to bother you,” Jean said.] Jeremy’s response was low but unhesitating: “I will not look away.”

and

[“If I asked you to kill me, would you?” Jean asked.]“Don’t ever say that,” Jeremy said, low and insistent.

oh god i could ramble for so long about jeremy but jesus christ

[slowburning-dumpsterfire]

oh don’t mind me, I just broke my own heart by realising jean moreau is the same age as my younger brother is and that did not in any way affect my mental wellbeing or anything.

[itseyaaaa]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

tbh it was hard to choose just 10 but i managed to do it so here u are!!

1) ADAM PARRISH from the raven cycle. He is the most relatable character I ever read so he deserves first place. Loved him since the beginning and keep on doing it. I usually never relate to characters but then he came in my life and i found myself staring at the pages while reading his thoughts bc that was how I felt too and it was kinda shocking.

2) JEAN MOREAU from All For The Game series. Since he was just a background character in the first 3 books I didn't mind him much, but then I read the extra content and his story broke me so much and I couldn't stop thinking about him, then the 4th book about him came out and I'm even more in love with him even tho he keeps make me cry. His story keeps tormenting me hoping he will get the happy ending he deserves.

3)HUA CHENG from Tian Guan Ci Fu. The greenest man in the world!!! Waited 800 years for the love of his life and he even died for him. He is just so perfect that I couldn't help but love him.

4) MONKEY D. LUFFY from One Piece. Only God knows how much I would give to have Luffy knocking on my door and ask me to join his crew. The happiness he brings, the serenity I would have if I had him in my life. The way he is a savior without even trying like pls come and save me too from this meaningless life and let's go have adventures in weird islands!!!

5) STILES STILINSKI from TeenWolf. He is my supreme teencrush. Never had a crush like this for an actor/tv character. He's literally the type of guy I would marry without second thoughts.

6)XERXE BREAK from Pandora Hearts. It's my favourite manga ever and his character was so interesting to read about, his powers, his story, the way he was connected with Abyss, his being mysterious and weird sometime, his intelligence, everything about him got my attention since the beginning. And personally his legal Chain had one of the best design and powers in the whole manga.

7) FA MULAN from Mulan . She was my childhood crush and I know the Disney movie by memory. I admired her so much and I wanted to be her since I was a child and my admiration still exist even now. she was an icon and a legend!!

8)SHERLOCK HOLMES from Moriarty the Patriot. Always liked sherlock as character but this version is the ultimate perfection. The animation design is stunning and the character too. I have a thing for intelligent men and he is the first one on the list.

9) MAKI ZENIN from Jujutsu Kaisen. Big ass crush for her since the beginning but then I read the Zenin Clan Arc and I was on my knees for her. A female character that it's not fanservice or a pretty face or two big boobs

10) SUNG JINWOO from Solo Leveling. It's my favourite manhwa and he is amazing. I actually have a bigger crush for Igris but it's one of his shadows but whatever. His story and growth is very interesting and I enjoyed reading it a lot.

[unloneliest]

im so fucking good at making sexy little leverage aus and then never writing them. this is my ma spencer au, which has been lifted directly from my twitter with minimal editing, & which i am haunted by always.

ok so the au. this is going to be very long. every time i listen to spent gladiator 2 by tmg i think abt the leverage team/eliot specifically.

lyrics for context:

so i was thinking abt an au where eliot was never on the team, bc like. eliot fully got Out of the game, but interacts w them on an early case and ends up falling in with them anyways? BUT i also think a lot about how hard it'd be for any of them to retire bc there's people who hate them who know their faces, yknow? so how WOULD eliot be able to have retired &what has to change for eliot to be that comfortable getting out?

so i figure he maybe got out of the moreau situation earlier. maybe he broke up with the horse girl but they stayed on good terms, and maybe he never did the worst things he ever did for moreau because he had his Getting Out Of There chef connection moment sooner.

but that doesn't undo how recognizable eliot would be to various parties and i was like. well then. what if the chef who was that pivotal person for eliot was a trans woman and was as pivotal with eliot being gendery as she was with eliot retiring?

so like. early 2000s nonbinary/transfeminine he/she eliot spencer finding a few small towns to live in pretty at random but having a home in each one and cycling through them with no discernable pattern?? and being a loved part of the local queer community in all of them?

it's similar to my "eliot never left home and is luke gilmore girls but also co-created a queer bar in his town" au (aside: thank you @lycanqueer for pointing out that connection ages ago, i have been unwell about it ever since).

like . eliot!!!!! eliot probably first connecting with the team bc of the two horse job and slowly begrudgingly helping, joining in on the tap out job, etc.

eliot being like a parent figure to various queer kids in the different towns and they call him "ma spencer" and she wears his practical boots with flannels still but maybe they're with a more feminine tank top and maybe you're as likely to see ma spencer in a no nonsense knee length skirt as a sturdy pair of jeans. and maybe sometimes he braids her hair . and she's mr. spencer too and well respected by the folks of whatever town he's staying in, too stubborn and helpful and intimidating not to be!

eliot being openly down for a casual relationship both with parker and hardison from when she first gets to know them onward—and him keeping his past quiet still, but it getting harder to keep the parts of her life seperate as he finds herself getting closer with the team & with more serious feelings for parker and hardison.

maybe the team's hitter is Tara? i feel like she's capable of that? but she has to be the grifter when sophie goes on her break and eliot joins in "Just Once" but it ends up being more than that.

eliot would have a lot of complicated feelings abt joining in—like, both being happy with the peace she found & not wanting to risk that but still feeling like he needs to pay penance and that this is a way to do that.

and then season 3 hits completely different. i think this eliot would talk about his past once she found out they were targeting moreau, but i think team dynamics would overall be super different in general. the team would be way less of a unit with nate than when you see things from his perspective—espeicially without eliot always there to insulate the team from the worst of him.

anyways im gonna be thinking about this for the next 800 years. will i ever write this fic? probably no. but ma spencer is so real to me

[farawaysoph-ie]

The Sunshine Court Incoherent Whatever (pt.1)

Okay. Okay.

I just finished The Sunshine Court and 1) Jean Moreau what have you done to me? 2) Jean Moreau what have(n't) they done to you?

I started this, then went and re-read tkm (bc the obsession was always latent and never gone), so I could compare both Neil and Jean pov and well, suffice to say I'm not okay and I feel too much.

Thank you Nora Sakavic, it was painful and amazing.

I have a long train ride so I might as well bring back my incoherent whatever after *checks the notes* 4 years :')

As always this will be so full of spoilers.

(Unrelated spoiler: the train ride wasn't enough)

Let's start with the general:

After loving Neil maybe too much the shift to Jean took awhile to adjust to but now I'm ready to fight at least three mafia families, every single hater (fictional or otherwise) and the FBI for him

Jeremy Knox was everything, but like everyone on here, what are you hiding Jeremy?? What's going on??

Cat and Laila, my beloved ™️ the care these two effortlessly gave made me cry

This whole book was a serious trigger for me, but I'm in too deep with this series, imagine me like that Simpsons meme, I did it for my new french son

Characters, thoughts:

I said before the Ravens were a cult, but I hadn't really understood that statement. Every time Jean spoke of them it hit deeper and deeper how messed up and unfair it all was.

Boy am I happy that Riko is dead, like I didn't really wish anyone the fate of being shot by an unfeeling older brother, until Jean's pov hit me like a high speed train.

Andrew spoke exactly one word in this, still was iconic and a scene stealer, how in character for him

I forgot how much I always want to slap Kevin Day when he's trying his best to be annoying, it's because I love him, I swear! (But seriously his relationship with Jean is so complex and well executed I will think about it for a very long while)

I didn't give much thought to Renee and Jean relationship in tkm, but it broke my heart here, it's when I started to actually tear up, I love them so much rainbows, a cool evening breeze. I can't.

"Tell me something"

"Where are you now?"

The whole dynamic of the Cat&Laila& sometimesJeremy's apartment

Cat teaching Jean how to cook + motorbike ride (open roads)

Laila taking him to shopping

Jeremy wanting to make Jean Moreau the Person his success story

Neil dragging Jean towards survival without giving him a choice, again and again: he sent Renee as gentle bait, closed a deal in his name with a mafia boss, promised him he would win against Riko in his name too, promised him again Riko was dead, ordered a hit on his rapist, offered to delay the talk with the FBI, linked his sister to his name, to survival and to what he deserved. I NEED more interactions between them, I am not above begging.

I have to get a better idea on the other Trojans, but for now the policule was cute, I need more Cody and less Lucas. Like I can understand where he was coming from? But he needs to shut up now, you made your mess man, now go play Exy like you were supposed to.

I miss the Foxes :'(

Wymack! I almost forgot everyone's favourite dad-coach: he showed up, brought alcohol, got more tired, delivered care to yet another traumatized child, spent a whole day on airplanes to bring him to Los Angeles, left him money for clothes&co. bc he's not doing this again, answered his call when he was having The Breakdown. Best dad-coach ever in the history of dad-coaches.

Plot things:

Jean at the beginning was so scared and in so much pain it took a while to get a clear picture of him as a person

Still loved all his salty comments and insults, he couldn't help himself

Renee sitting with him and caring with Abby and Wymack :')

Jean being afraid of going back and of not going back to Evermore, hating the ones that got to leave

The self harm and all the people in this that fought him to keep his hands from his neck, his scars, himself

"I am Jean Moreau. My place is at Evermore. I will endure."

Jean not believing in Wymack care, waiting for the act to end and the other shoe to drop

The disbelief at Kevin being away from the court and him admitting he went at knifepoint (and meaning it literally), sometimes this was a comedy

Wymack, Jean, and the burning of houses

Jean's opinion of the Foxes going from those mediocre fools to those mediocre madmen to the madmen that actually beat Riko Moriyama

Wymack putting Jean's phone in the freezer and hating computers

“That man is years overdue for a high-speed, head-on collision.” couldn't have said it better, but Neil was already on it at that point

"Jean knew better than to look for anger in his stare; the best Kevin could manage was bottomless guilt."

“It was my only chance,” Kevin said. “I knew you wouldn’t come with me.” “My place is at Evermore,” Jean agreed, “but you did not have to slit my throat on the way out.”

“Your blind loyalty to those clowns is exhausting.” “Some of them you like,” Kevin reminded him. “Don’t you dare,”

Nathaniel "Hello Jean" Wesninski vs Jean "Go away" Moreau

This whole conversation went very differently compared to tkm: like there Neil came, dropped a metaphorical bomb, glossed over the explanation and went away trying to convince Andrew they are something

Jean was ambushed by two of his most complicated acquaintances (???) and their "pet goalkeeper" (god I need Andrew's reaction to this "nickname", but I guess no one will ever say this to his face, Neil would be too busy fighting you at the suggestion to ever repeat it), had his worldwiew turned upside down with no chance of having a say in the matter, then was left alone with Kevin Day and the aftermath.

So yes two different conversation; also I kinda forgot of the deal about Neil and his smile

“Everyone who has tried to tame him has failed.”

All for the game: a summary

There was no getting away; there was only getting through.

Jean Moreau who (hasn't) hurt you, part some of too many

What really makes it messed up is that on one hand there was Riko and his mad cruelty and on the other there was an entire team of bystanders At Best: some people were an active part and then pretended, no sympathy for them; others decided to ignore the truth to survive and get what they wanted, which I can understand but I guess they still didn't have the decency to shut up when Jean got away. The anger that crawled through my skin when the smear campaign and the notebook/postcards/magnets thing happened. You should have stayed silent until the end you fucks.

“Do it, then. It wouldn’t take much; we all know I have brittle bones.”

Jeremy pov kinda gave you whiplash, with him waking up super early, helping homeless men, but then you start noticing all the things he avoids almost effortlessly and like, what are you hiding sunshine man??

What actually broke me about his povs was him noticing all these details about Jean, and then misinterpreting them, bc whatever he's been through Jean has had it 100 times worse and this doesn't even factor in Jeremy world. I'm pretty sure he'll get the whole truth in the end and I'm scared of what it'll do to him.

Also Jean being like Ravens always had to keep secrets and then spilling most of them almost unprompted, let's laugh in order not to cry

“He hasn’t played a clean game in years,” Kevin admitted, “but he knows how to follow orders. If you tell him to submit, he will.” “Literally the most awkward way you could’ve worded it,” Jeremy said.

This will keep coming back, Kevin please. (He 100% ships it, one of us)

The Foxes catching the too tired Trojans and Jeremy being like, you are all approved (I need the two teams to interact now)

Also the Trojans being like how are they still standing, Neil how are you still running??

Someone pointed out they wanted Neil to interact with Jeans closest teammates bc if he is a madman by Jean standards, what would normal people make of him? To which yes, but also guys consider this: Neil said to Cat and Laila that they were terrifying after the semifinal, he took a step back when Jeremy opened the door and silently invited him in. I need Neil and the floozies to interact so Neil can experience real fear.

Mafia bosses have nothing on wholesome people, the true weakness of one Neil Josten

Jean immediately hanging up on Jeremy will never not be funny

When you get to the title of the book and it's Jean insulting people <3

I will Never, NEVER, get over the "nineteen". Never.

I love Abby but when she told that bit about fighting back, It Hurt. She probably didn't really mean it and didn't know everything bc how are you supposed to keep fighting when you are fifteen, alone and forsaken in a place that is built to break you? As it has been pointed out, Neil had rebellion beaten into him by a mother that chose him and ran; Jean had a sister that he hoped to protect and parents that sold him away like property. Five months were actually a long time.

Dobson keeps being iconic, I don't know what to think about the I don't know how exy works bit: I mean I've been obsessing with this and still don't know how exy works (plz don't hate me), but at the same time it was such a power move and got Jean to talk

“Of course it’d be you, you tedious malcontent.” “Good morning to you, too.” Nathaniel held up an oversized bandage.

You see why I need more of their interactions, right?

Nathaniel was different; he always would be. He wasn’t a Raven, but he was, same as Jean. He was Jean’s misplaced forever partner, an unfulfilled promise Jean had stopped believing in years ago.

You can now be forever partners while you tear down your families :)

I think that I'm stuck on the two of them bc while Kevin broke a promise to save himself (to which no hate, when dealing with madmen like Riko you have to save yourself) and still couldn't, not completely, Neil was a promise made and broken by other people. Jean hates him bc they were supposed to share a destiny and all the misery, but I think very deep down he knows that if Nathaniel had come to the Nest they would still be nursing wounds and appeasing a tyrant. Neil is the one that stood against Riko when Kevin wanted to hide, the one that gave him courage by example, the one that dragged Jean away from the Ravens, both for selfish reasons (taking down Riko) and better ones (paying him back for saving his life a the Nest).

But still

“You are only here now because you are an abominable cockroach,”

Funny how Neil forgot to tell us about the breakdown about Kevin's tattoo, he was probably thinking about the match. Junkie.

The cheese drawer guys, ???

To this day I still can't decide what was more iconic: Kevin Day switching playing hand halfway through the game and pretty much scoring everything until the last second, Neil being so fast that it made up for him being a shitty defender, Andrew crossing the court to keep Neil from being murdered (I'm biased, but still iconic moments all of them)

Experiencing this match from Jean's pov was amazing writing, like the countdown of the last ten seconds, the Riko-Neil bit without volume but from a different angle (I didn't really realize everyone was able to see the King attempting murder live on TV, but hey perspective)

Run, Jean thought. He didn't know if he was thinking it at Andrew or Nathaniel. Run.

"That wasn't a miracle," Jean typed out. "That was the Foxes."

:')

When Jean found about Riko though :'(

The shudder that wracked his chest should have been revulsion, but it fell dangerously short. This didn't feel like joy or relief; it only felt like loss. [...] Who was he without them?"

I loved that he woke up to Renee and Neil though, the rainbow and the witness

Renee always hitting the point, this wonderful girl

"Maybe you're mourning the wreckage he made of your life. You're allowed to grieve what he took from you."

"It's impressive, isn't it? How easily these monsters die in the end."

Neil Abram Josten said I'm done letting monsters ruin my life and my people, he actually promised.

When he called him Neil guys, tears

Also I found peculiar that when thinking about the room he destroyed Jean calls it "Neil's dorm room", not Kevin's who he's known for actually longer. It's what makes me think that they have a chance at not being misplaced forever anymore.

Renee either hits you with hidden wisdom of the universe or with practical and brutal advice, and we love her for that

The two of them, the Two Of THEEEEEEEEM

Jean noticed how Andrew and Neil moved like they were caught in each other's gravity, in each other's space more than they were out of it, cigarette smoke and matching armbands and lingering looks when one fell out of orbit for too long.

Just leaving this here.

The airport bit :'(

"Men like Wymack didn't exist. They couldn't; they shouldn't."

Enter Jeremy Knox and his yo-yo in the middle of said airport. Flawless.

This man was put on Earth to test Jean, at least that's what he will keep thinking from here on

The rest of this book is Jean having conversations with people and not understanding them, bc he's been living for five (seven) years in a cult. It is an escalation pretty painful to watch, I think the Trojans are all of us :'(

Question: will Jean end up teaching Jeremy French? Will Jeremy learn by himself? I think I'd probably prefer the latter

Cat, the mess, the music, the tour, I love her so much

Jeremy "he's a little off" Knox, he was trying

Barkbark von Barkenstein

Jean Moreau and the real world (bubble tea? you have to shop for stuff? you sign things yourself? you leave campus? someone help this disoriented french bean)

"Something had gone horribly wrong at Evermore"

oh Jeremy

Watching Jeremy regret almost all his questions :'(

“Three fractured ribs. Sprained LCL. Twisted ankle. Broken nose. That’s most of it.” That’s most of it.

Laila, who pushed and got angry for Jean and didn't back down despite him lashing out, my beloved

You look like a Ken doll." + "This isn't blond."

"Not Grayson.[...] Please." that one made me sick, the writing made me feel even only a part of what Jean was feeling and it was enough to feel sick

The water :'(

Jean just leaving when confronted with Laila and Jeremy in swimsuits was very bi of him

Lucas coming in looking like a well know nightmare and the Ravens dropping like flies

I didn't ask.

It's not like I didn't know, right? But I still died inside

Zane and the betrayal

Jeremy didn’t let him get away with it. “That’s not the issue and you know it. I don’t want to crowd you.” “You are not them,” Jean said. “Kevin would not have sent me here if you were.”

Jean taking one look at the doctor sent by the coaches and going nope, Dobson will be definitely better

Jeremy seeing the nightmares and the scars and not being able to do much:(

A hand on his chin startled him into looking up. When he met Jean’s eyes, Jean only said, “Focus on what’s important.” “I am,” Jeremy said. Jean opened his mouth, closed it again, and let go of Jeremy without a word. Jeremy snagged his arm when he started to turn away. “Who did this to you?”

I'm sorry did he just

“It’s not about size, anyway.” “Defensive,” Jean said, tugging his glove straps with his teeth. Jeremy straightened in indignation. “I don’t have anything to be defensive about.” Jean lost his grip and bit his lip, and Jeremy hurried on before either of them could think too much about that double entendre.

“Say ‘yes, Jeremy’.” He had the distinct impression Jean wanted to roll his eyes. “Yes, Jeremy.” Jeremy forgot everything else he could have said in favor of staring. It was the first time he’d heard Jean say his name.

Are you seeing this? Yes? Good, let's go on

“If I ever make you uncomfortable or make you feel unsafe, will you promise to tell me? If you don’t trust me enough to tell me what’s wrong and why, at least trust me enough to tell me that something is wrong. I can’t fix things if I don’t know there’s a problem. As your captain and your partner, don’t I at least deserve the chance to not be a villain in your story?”

The pool bit :'( and after when they tell there are no pools at Evermore. Riko is so lucky to already be dead :)

You’re forcing us to hurt you without giving us any say in the matter.”

Watching Jean trying to navigate his interactions with the Trojans was painful, frustrating but also hopeful. This boy has been hurt so much and so often, he doesn't get what normal looks like anymore. But the Trojans don't let him get away with it (even if it breaks their heart and the coaches will probably get a lot of grey hair from this)

"Your safety and happiness will always be more important than our season.” “You are naïve.” “Maybe you’ll define success by how we do this season, but I’m not obligated to do the same. You are going to be my success story: Jean Moreau the person, not Jean Moreau of the perfect Court. You take care of one, and I’ll take care of the other.” “That is not how it works.” “Is there a rule against it?” “There is no merit to it. This is all I am.” Jeremy ignored that and asked again, “Is there a rule against it?”

Jeremy gay panicking and the photo of Renee

The floozy line!

Every time Jeremy goes "our coaches" or "our teammates" all I can think in my head is "someone will die" "of fun!!!!"

Jean wondering if the Trojans have something against recruiting tall players xD

“Thank you for worrying about them. You’re a good man, Jean Moreau.” “A ridiculous sentiment,” he said. “I mean it,”

This man didn't even second guess himself, he had to ask because he knew and it didn't even occur to him to be silent. Excuse me sir? Shut up you are a good man

“I assumed the Trojans were idiots,” Jean said. “Now I think you are all insane.” “It’s a step up,” Cody said. “I’ll take it.”

The practices, the scars pt2

“It is all I am, Coach.”

“We did not want outsiders at Evermore.” “Except Neil,” Cat said. “Neil was a special case,” Jean allowed.

#accurate

You’re hurting me.” “It has been toward for five years,” Jean said, looking past Jeremy at the scrimmage that was still going on without them. “It is not that easy to undo.” Jeremy frowned at him and echoed, “Five? You were only with the Ravens for three.” “I moved into Evermore two years before I enrolled,” Jean said, and hauled Jeremy to one side. The stray ball that had been coming for them ricocheted off his chest instead of Jeremy’s back, and Jean scooped it up on the rebound with a quick snap of his wrist. He hurled it across the court toward Cody one-handed before finally letting go of Jeremy. “I will try harder.”

The notebooks breakdown hurt so bad bc Cat and Laila being angry for him (they are all of us), Jeremy trying to mediate bc he's been there, he pushed and Jean broke and he doesn't want to hurt him, and Jean who confesses his secrets without meaning to, just to realize and panic. What a recipe for a disaster.

“How dare they blame you for anything after what they did to you. How dare you grieve them.” It hit like a sucker punch, but Jean’s frustrated rejoinder was worse: “They don’t know.”

They don't know, but they could guess. They could smell the blood. They joked about his brittle bones. He was sixteen. I'm not sorry for the mercy I don't have after finishing this book

Jeremy could only watch in wretched silence as Jean tried to walk himself back from the edge. He cast his phone aside in favor of catching Jean’s face in his hands, and the way Jean flinched at his touch was almost his undoing. “Hey,” he said quietly. “Hey. Jean. Look at me.” Jean refused, and Jeremy grasped desperately for anything that could bring Jean back to him. He seized on the only thing he could and threw Jean’s words back at him: “You are Jean Moreau. Your place is here with me, with us. I’m your captain. You’re my partner. We’re supposed to be doing this together, aren’t we? Stop leaving me behind. Look at me.” It wouldn’t work, but it did. Jean opened his eyes to meet Jeremy’s stare. “I told you not to ask me about him.”

I had seen the quote before reading but no one told me what followed ç.ç

He felt a tremor in Jean’s hands, and for a blinding moment he was sure Jean would lean into the safety of this silent confession. But Jean only sucked in a slow breath and said, “Now I am not safe with you, captain.” Letting go of Jean was the hardest thing Jeremy had ever done. Everything in him railed against this, and for a moment he regretted giving Jean a way out.

I was not crying, I swear.

“I’m sorry,” Jeremy said, because he didn’t have the strength for small talk or a softer approach right now. “Did Riko break your hand?”

That was one heavy conversation and it's just the start (Jeremy is Not Fine™️)

He is not used to having a voice, and he has never had power. I cannot promise he will ever talk to you.” “I will wait as long as it takes,” Jeremy said.

Still best boy

And maybe in many ways he still was, but a martyr could still be a monster when the cameras weren’t rolling.

Boy do I have news for you (do you think Jeremy will know that Riko didn't kill himself? Does it matter? I think not knowing this particular detail would be fine, I still don't really know how much this sunshine boy can take (more than I expected but still))

Did I mention that I really love the apartment trio? Cat and Laila agreeing to silence but still being angry (drag them girls, draaaaag them), the dinner and movie and Jean not getting up to leave

Did I mention Lucas is free to shut up and play? :) Because I get that you are angry, but 1) it's not your decision to make, we don't need your conspiracy theories 2) it's not Jean problem, he has enough of them leave him alone

“Ask him why he’s so sure the rumors are true. Ask him what his part in it was. If you’re going to believe him just because he’s blood, then at least make him tell you the truth.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” Lucas demanded.

And Jean still deciding not to lie, he may be an asshole but almost everyone he has known didn't deserve him

Also I don't know where Lucas got the audacity? You think there is something the justifies breaking a player's ribs?? What is wrong with you, you are part of the sunshine court

The dread when asking if Grayson was home

The bike ride :')

Now that they were settled, he expected an interrogation or a reason for this unscheduled trip out. When she failed to explain herself, Jean finally asked, “Why are we here?” “I love it here,” [...] “I don’t know. I just felt like some fresh air would do you good. There’s nothing like a ride to get you out of your head and into the moment, you know?” Jean considered that for a minute. “Thank you.”

Jean waited until he was out of earshot. “I don’t understand.” “Trust us,” Jeremy said tiredly. “Neither do we.”

Jean vs the Trojans, a summary

The monster shows up and it was a mess and Jean has never had a break, literally never

Which was extremely literal bc Lucas wanted to talk and then Neil shows up

I need a separate post for the last pages bc I started this 24 h ago and I want to do it justice. So part 2 coming.

Edit: I misspelled Jean's surname *facepalms and goes to hide*

[blurrypetals]

The Sunshine Court by Nora Sakavic - blurrypetals review

originally posted aug. 17, 2024 - ★★★★★

[this review contains untagged spoilers]

Nora. Nora. Oh my god. Oh my god, Nora.

I wasn't prepared for this book. I didn't know there was going to be a fourth book, but I couldn't have been ready even if I had known.

This book took me a while to get through. I think this review is going to take me a while to write out, too. I think the reason it took me so long (beyond just being too busy to read outside audiobooks, which was certainly a factor) was how sure I felt this was going to be a one-off, that I needed to savor this one, final gift to all the All for the Game fans out there.

But I wasn't prepared for this book to be starting something new, beyond establishing a new life for Jean beyond Evermore, beyond Riko fucking Moriyama, may that bitch baby "king" rest in piss.

I couldn't have guessed those last two chapters would hit me like a fucking freight train, just like Grayson to Lucas and Jean, nor that they would almost singlehandedly establish all future conflicts for one Jean Moreau and his partner Jeremy Knox.

But even up to that point, my god, this book had me in a chokehold. Even though I savored it, took my time, this book as near-constantly on my mind these past few months since I got my hands on it.

I thought Neil, Kevin, and Andrew had it bad when it came to trauma. In the original trilogy, I also considered Jean to be rather unsympathetic and cruel, but I failed to realize I only felt that way about him because that was how Neil felt about him.

I also vastly underestimated the trauma, abuse, and absolute terror Jean lived through at Evermore. I obviously understood Riko broke his leg before Championships, but I couldn't have imagined this was simply the last in a long line of violent, unholy tortures Jean survived, and not only by Riko's hands.

But this is where I arrive at what makes these books so incredible, so prime to reread over and over again: the relationships and the healing that occurs because of them. I love seeing such a warm, loving trio in Jeremy, Cat, and Laila being Jean's way through his trauma. It casts a satisfying contrast between them and Neil's monsters in the original trilogy, and I really do love to see Jean, the prickliest, rudest bean I ever seen, softening to cooking for his friends, going for rides up the coast, getting rid of those goddamn notebooks. It's so fucking good for my heart. It really is.

And I've barely touched on Jeremy! It's also a really nice contrast that we get two POV's this time. Jeremy casts into relief the things Jean is misinterpreting, the things he has been deluded into believing are absolute. The warm, reasonable, reliable narrator to Jean's traumatized, brainwashed unreliable narrator.

I was also impressed by how events at the beginning of the book that we'd seen before in The King's Men still felt exciting, as if I didn't already know how it was going to end. It still somehow felt like I got to read about a new Exy match even though it was the exact same one from the end of the previous book, a book I've read no less than 5 times.

These books are an absolute ride, no matter what you're prepared for, no matter what you think you're reading. It always feels like you're there on the court, there in with the Foxes and now the Trojans. Books like these are fucking magic, and I can't wait for the next one.

[kevinsdsy]

WALLY WEST JEREMY KNOX AND DICK GRAYSON JEAN MOREAU,

ROY HARPER ANDREW AND JASON TODD ANDREW MINYARD

I WILL DEFEND THIS IF I HAVE TO,

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK :)

NOOO IM GOING THROUGH MY INBOXES NOW AND THIS WAS WAY DOWN THERE BUT I WANT YOU TO SPEAK YOUR TRUTH BC I NEED A REASON TO LET DC CONSUME ME!!! i only know the wally west x dick grayson dynamic through the young justice show bc i watched the first two seasons with my friend ((which btw broke me and i was so sad i think i only watched s3 and then never even watched s4 😭 need to go rewatch it again actually)

[sparklestheunicorn]

WHO THE FUCK EVEN IS KEVIN DAY AND WHY DID YOU PUT HIM ON MY DASH SO MANY TIMES

Kevin Day, number 2, starting striker for the PSU Foxes, formerly starting striker for the Edgar Allan Ravens, grew up in the shadow of Riko Moriyama (number 1, starting striker for the Edgar Allan Ravens), and at some point, became better than him. This is a problem because Riko is violent and likes to take people apart with knives, and due to being cast aside by his father and older brother he has a problem with not being number 1. It gets out that Kevin is better than Riko when people start speculating that Kevin is holding back to not outshine Riko, so they are pitted against each other. Riko won, but Kevin let him win.

In response to this, Riko broke Kevin's playing hand, and Kevin looked to number 3 Jean Moreau and spoke in French, which they were not allowed to do bc Riko can't understand French. Kevin left the Ravens that night, when he stopped to fill up his car - the only canonical mention of him driving - a fan paid for his gas, and where did Kevin run? Coach David Wymack of the PSU Foxes (his dad, but we'll get into that later).

The Foxes agree to keep Kevin, despite the yakuza ties he has brought with him. And the rabid fans that deface their school when Kevin signs with the Foxes as a right-handed starting striker.

He is simultaneously a bitch and a coward. He had to get so drunk he couldn't stand to cover the number 2 on his face. He raced out of the room to throw a man into a wall when said man called him a dead-weight has been. When we first meet him, he is sitting on an entertainment centre looking unimpressed by the tantrum our main man Neil Josten is throwing.

As for why he is on your dash so many times, dear anon, it's because he has captivated my heart. He is the love of my life, and the post I believe you are referring to is perfection.

I suggest reading All For The Game by Nora Sakavic and joining me in my insanity